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It's not what you do, it's the way that you do it!

“Why is it that everyone I meet is so together, they never make mistakes, they’re so happy, they just seem to be able to cope with everything”. I hear these words so often from the people that I meet. People think it of me too I’m pretty sure. If only that were the reality! The truth is, everyone messes up and makes mistakes in life. The trick to maintaining wellness is how you handle it when it happens and also afterwards. Here are my top tips for doing just that:

1. Take a step back: To maintain perspective, take on the perspective of an outsider. Try to look at the situation objectively. For example, if you have done things you’re not proud of, it doesn’t make you a bad person. If you’ve said things you didn’t mean that hurt someone, it doesn’t make you unkind. If you’ve done something wrong at work, it doesn’t mean you are rubbish at your job. All of these things are actions and mean that you might have messed up a bit, but they don’t equate to you as an entire a person.

2. Remember: Making mistakes is ok, it’s what makes us human. This links in quite nicely to point one. When we realise we have made a mistake, we need to be ok with it. Do what you can to sort the situation, then give yourself a good talking to! Tell yourself, do you know what, it’s ok to make mistakes. We all make them. No matter how big or small, we are all fallible and we all make mistakes. Making mistakes can actually be a good thing. It’s how we learn, grow and develop as human beings.

3. Be compassionate: with yourself. Tell yourself it’s ok to feel what ever you’re feeling, whether you’re sad, worried, anxious, unhappy, angry etc. whatever it is, it’s ok. Truth be told, most people have problems throughout their lives, most people have struggles, anxieties, worries, down times, stressed times and can ‘lose it’. If they don’t, they’re very very lucky! But that’s ok isn’t it? If you think it is ok for others, then ask yourself, if it’s ok for them, can’t it be ok for me too? We are often so much harder on ourselves than we are on our friends, relatives and loved ones. Be kind to yourself.

4. Stop: Don’t keep beating yourself up about things, time and time again. Work through it and move on. There is no point in dwelling on things and constantly berating yourself. That doesn’t achieve anything apart from making you feel bad.

5. Focus: Put your attention and energy into thinking about the kind of person you’d like to be and feel. Then (and this is the important bit) work out what you need to do, to get yourself there. You might need to do it on your own, or you might need to enlist the help of others. Either way, it can be done.

6. Be present: Be in the moment and stop living in your thoughts. The past has happened and can’t be changed, the future hasn’t happened yet so isn’t worth worrying about. Get out of your head and experience life in the moment, for what it is. Mindfulness is a great practice to help a person achieve this. If it’s something that you’d like to find out more about, there are loads of online resources, courses, books and groups around that can help you do this.

So there you have it. Easy huh! Actually, none of these things are easy to do. They all take practice and patience. Sometimes you might get it right and be ok, sometimes it all seems so hard and unachievable. Of course, that’s very normal and part of the process.

Just remember, life is about stages and phases. People’s thoughts and feelings change and life is about managing the process of that change. It’s all ok. How we think and feel now, is not how we thought and felt in the past and it’s not how we will think and feel in the future.

Think about it like this, 20 years ago I was totally in love with Kris Kross (the Mac Dad will make ya…Jump Jump). Yes, Kris Kross (the Daddy Mac will make ya…Jump Jump). The boys who wore their clothes back to front (Kris Kross will make ya… Jump Jump). I think I’ve made my point (Believe dat!).

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This Post Has 3 Comments

  1. Thanks Jo. Great blog! I’m sure lots of people will benefit from your insights and sound advice.

  2. Your follow button doesn’t work!! Nice article!

    1. Thank you – working on it!

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